The other parent ....

I have not blogged in some time as there had been many things that we had to deal with , we had been threw a lot over just the past 4 years alone . There are good things that have come forward in our lives , blessings we are truly grateful for . I had been thinking over the past three years and writing in previous blogs about much of our events involving us , Hugo's three children and our children together . I began to see over the years two sides of three different lives blended together and began to think on blended families . I began to see much unfairness lead to damaged relationships between father and child , I began to understand more of who I do not want to be . I myself had been a single mother for nearly five years , the break up was hard on both of us , mostly our child in the middle of our war . It was a struggle , damage was done , but all that said we have learned to grow together and work in the best interest of our child , we have our days where feelings get hurt , but most of all in the end we see its not worth it and what is , is the child , doing what we can to work in his best interest moving forward together . There are times where there is blame , times when hard things are said , times where you feel proud because everyone came together finding a solution so that all relationships stay strong. It is not the work of one parent it takes all parents to work together to compromise , it takes everyone to keep the child on the best track with all hands on deck making the best the can out of it all . I began to see in all points of views not just my own , its hard for the step mom trying to make her place of acceptance in a new family , its hard to deal with a head strong mom of a child who loves and protects her child , its hard for her to please her husband and step in taking care of his duties showing her love and honour . Its hard being the mother having to let go for someone to take part in your duties as a mother , its hard to be a mother who knows her child so much to make sure others understand what they don't see, its hard to let a child out of your sight period and fear they won't see you the same as they always have , there are what ifs , there are is he okay , how did eat , how was he disciplined , did he do his homework , did he make it there safely and so much more , then comes the dads who feel they miss on things yet one fills the duties the other may not get a chance to do . A child is someone shared at birth between two people , sacred moments and when those fade its hard to grow threw. But what if you were a parent denied from having your child from the start the first summer you ask , being distances away , no compromise from the other parent who feels you should pay and hurt . What happens when you are parent who respects the others reason , not wanting to fight , just wanting to see your children happy , to know they are well fed , well dressed , and well looked after , yet you see your own child being turned against you slowly because you are not there to speak up on your behalf , because every effort you have made failed and only shoved in your face how you loose . Going from being a good parent to loosing your child to parent alienation syndrome ... Standing on the sidelines not knowing where to go , what to do as you deserve that time with your child aside the other parent such as they have done to you. I began to see a different side to things on another level and saw myself that women can be cold but to hold one's child back from them for good , restricting them from seeing photo's of their child , withholding photo's , limiting their communication , brainwashing a child into believing they were abandoned by the other parent when the other parent had tried amongst all they face . I find it very sad , amongst all I have faced with my ex I never stopped him from seeing his child as hard as it was on me , I would look at my son and see he deserves to make his choices and his feelings deserve to be his own , not mine no matter what has happened between us because it was important for my son to have that relationship with his father , it was important for him to not have to asks so many questions and if he does that we both can give him answers in all fairness . It is right a father should take care of responsibilities and his duties , but its sad when all a person thinks of that is money and not compromise on the meeting the other parent halfway as stated in the Canadian law unless due to medical situations such as ours , it is said that its the duty of both parents to meet halfway , and it is for both parents to compromise on agreements , the other parent is not to limit access or due harm to the other parent and children relationship ... Yet I see this abused and its sad because in the long run its the child who one day looses their time and knowledge of the other parent , its the children in the end who suffer , its their choices that become taken over and distorted . So in all said where is the fairness to the other parent in cases like this , when money is limited to fight , when a fight should not even be considered , when boundaries of control overtake ones rights because of self pity and self anger , using the children as their weapon . I find it sad , sad for the parent who has to feel they need to act in such matter , sad for the children who loose a wonderful parent , withheld from the others love and memories that are now lost instead of made , loss from the child/children being able to look up and smile being proud of the very person who is proud and loves them so much too. Its said that when all is lost , you can never repair that again , its even more sad when its been done threw such unfair justice . Makes me wonder what coldness our world truly is heading towards , its sad when one has to feel they are above all to hide from their own shame using a child to feel powerful so no one see's they too were no better to lead to this day . It is sad the things one can tell a child to make them mould into who they want to them to be out of their own angry and its sad that those who sit in silence are the ones made to suffer . I always say you can look upon shame of others and point fingers, but when you step your foot in a plate of pasta from being careless , you too will see your shame was no better and that no one is ever perfect .  Today I say I am thankful my son has a good hearted stepmom, she may not be perfect but by all means neither am I ... I may not do everything right , I may not always be right , people may think I am above all , and maybe at times I am because life should not be a way one way tunnel , when you can look beyond yourself , you too will rise above.

This year !!!

This year was the first year Enna was not in hospital or end up in emerge like last Christmas she was rushed to emerge where we had found out she had pneumonia which is common for trached children ! This year was the first Christmas and New Years she stayed home , it was wonderful ! Enna's third big year is almost here and I wish we could do much to celebrate for her but its always cold in February ! She has grown so much and I more grateful we have seen her first Christmas let alone her third , to know Enna has come this far is truly a blessing , everyday we pray for that cure , miracle soon ! In the midst of it all though we value every moment she has had with the family! Every moment we have with her ! I love my children with all my heart .We miss our baby boy Caleb everyday as this would of been his first Christmas but he is with us in spirit ! We hang on to all we can and enjoy the simple parts of life ! Life is about the people who touch you heart , make it move forward and show you the direction many take for granted ! Live and love every moment ! 

Enna and Caleb ... 2010